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Clare, this was an incredible piece of writing - it felt like it had two distinct halves, one (the depiction of bakery time, the details of each task, the sloping shoulders of the croissants!) incredibly soothing and meditative; the other bringing us sharply back to reality and reminding us of the hours and timings we're bound and dictated by were just some random imposition that suited the money-makers.

I literally exclaimed cos I'd been on a rant to my mum this very morning going on about how demented it makes me if I think about it too much that so many of us have no ability to know what to do and why on a daily basis unless we look at a clock to understand: okay this is work time, this is dinner time, this is gym time etc etc. My rebuttal when people say that there would be chaos without time and schedules and allocated slots is that's simply not true - that's just one version of timing. I know from experience that, over time, without constrictions of imposed hours, you tune into your own sense of timing, of rhythm- and you still get stuff done! Things still happen! It still comes over you to want to do many of the same things you're at the moment frantically scheduling in! You just become attuned to what's rising up within you, and, within reason, you do that. You respond to things in the moment more and, over time, you realise you kind of do have your own natural schedule: on Mondays I feel a totally different way to on Fridays to on Sundays etc, and I realise I do tend towards certain things on certain days. It's just my own rhythm guiding me rather than a roster.

I know of course it isn't possible to live like this indefinitely, you'll always have to dip into the routines and timings of the outer world with regularity, be it for work, appointments, markets, whatever. But one of the best things I ever did was give myself the time and space needed to find my own natural rhythm - it took years and much resistance was faced from my own body and brain, but if you stick with it and weather the ups and downs, it is possible.

When I'm reading your essays, I always know I'll re-read and refer back, and this one is no different.

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Thank you so much, Kelly! It would be so liberating if more of us could take the time to find that natural rhythm that you mentioned. I'm currently reading Jenny Odell's book Saving Time, and she writes about whether time is our own — and even then, is it really, purely *ours* or does it belong to our work, which some people are able to schedule for themselves?

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That's a good question. And so if it does belong to our work, which it so often does, this is why so many of us hope to do work that fulfils us, however we feel fulfilled, whether it means doing work that you know benefits others, or doing work that leaves you time to spend with loved ones. It can also become another thing we're obsessed with owning doesn't it- we become so intent on grasping at time that’s "ours", really because we need meaningful alone time that work usually means we don't have enough of. We end up resenting demands on our time even from loved ones, and it's just down to so much time we feel is ours taken from us by work or other demands.

When it comes to the natural rhythms part, it's a gift if we manage to get to it, but it's one that can't last because it gets muddied and chewed at as soon as it's 'back to reality". It's almost impossible to hold onto when faced with the demands of life, and so I just tell myself the gift of taking time to build some foundation in that means I know it's there to dip back into whenever the chance comes again. But I do suspect that if we felt liberation like that, many of us would find out the way we want to use our time is by sharing and giving it to others more than we maybe feel that urge now, the resentment and chore and panicked "squeezing in" of it would be taken away, and we'd realise time isn't there to be owned, but shared. It makes me a bit sad, imagine such a different way of life versus the making do of now

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Oct 30, 2023·edited Oct 30, 2023Liked by Clare Michaud

I also had a thought I forgot to put which is I'm not anti-schedules at all! It's not that I float around shirking time lol. But it's schedules and timings I have respect for, and have a reasoning beyond just artificially created office hours or whatever, a schedule and reasoning exactly like that asked of us by sourdough. I'll acquiesce to anyone's schedule gladly if I understand it, believe in it, respect it; there's nothing more soothing than setting the alarm to get up or potter over for something you actually want to do such as feeding the starter or taking a class that benefits you or digging into work you enjoy, especially if you've had a lifetime of experience regularly setting your alarm for things that make you feel physically sick everyday

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Such a good read Clare. I felt I was right there with you in the early bakery hours. x

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Thank you, Sarah! That’s great to hear from a fellow baker

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This is so beautiful! I felt immersed in bakery time, and that’s a place I want to be :)

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Gorgeous depiction of the magic bakery hours and the weird, alternate reality of it all. Hope you got a good nap in today x

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